The Smoke and the Shadow that stood up (From Dreams to Post Cards- Chapter: Dreams, Emotions and Decisions)

And there I stood at one corner of her apartment’s lounge. A sturdy wooden table snuggled in that corner blocking my leaning against the wall, stubbing its flat wooden edges into my legs as I inadvertently searched for some kind of physical support to be able to stand for a longer time. I looked at her standing on the other side of the room, looking at me or in my direction with blood shot eyes, fear and shock as evident in her eyes as the smoke from a forest fire in the mountains. The source of smoke was not visible but there must be a fire somewhere for her eyes to have that look. I questioned her with my eyes. The only answer I got was the bloodshot stare. With no words and a stare so blank and potent, I moved out of my body and looked at myself through her eyes, confident that the fire will be visible now that I am in her eyes. And I saw that shadow hovering over my body, lurched in the corner, with that look of inquisition on my face. I saw how my shadow did not fall on the floor, rather it towered behind me, like a giant me standing right behind me but with only a dark presence and no fleshly features. Even in her body, seeing through her eyes with the look of incredulity and shock emitting from her bloodshot eyes, I could not fathom where the fire was. The shadow was my shadow. It did not cause a fear in me. It was mine after all. It is getting bigger every day for I see the fear and dread in her eyes. Maybe I will see it in other eyes too. But for me, it is not harmful. Not for the time being at least. It might grow too big that it will block the light around me. But it might also give me the shade from the scorching heat. Do I want it to grow stronger? Yes. Do I want to help it grow bigger? I am not sure for I do not know what power it will have over me or others around me. But it does not harm me. It just has my back.


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